


Just Crying As You Torture (Me)

by joshlerasfrick



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:10:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7739401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshlerasfrick/pseuds/joshlerasfrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler always takes risks when he climbs, but one time during Car Radio, he falls. Physically, he'll be okay, but for some reason, he wakes up thinking that he's actually Blurryface--and he wants Tyler dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stay Alive For Me

Josh's heart beat faster, causing him to hit his drums much harder than usual. He saw Tyler out of the corner of his eye, climbing the scaffolding as he usually does during Car Radio. His heart was uncontrollable tonight, because the height to which his band mate was climbing was higher than any before, since they were in their hometown, Columbus, and Tyler wanted to do a little extra for his friends and family. After a couple seconds, Josh realized that he had snapped one of his drumsticks from hitting them too hard. He quickly grabbed another, and continued to drum like never before.

A deafening scream broke Josh's concentration. It was from a fan, but it didn't sound like the everyday excited scream he usually would hear during a show. He continued to drum, but felt himself start shaking. _Tyler is fine_ , he told himself, _it was just a fan worried about how high up he is_. But then he heard another scream, and a couple more soon followed. Josh took a moment to glance away from the drums, and up to where Tyler was.

The only problem was, Tyler wasn't there. Josh's heart dropped, but calmed down once he realized Tyler was simply climbing down already. That was a bit strange, because Tyler hadn't even sung the ending of the song yet. But then Josh realized—Tyler hadn't even sung anything since he'd been up at the top of the scaffolding. _Maybe this is like that one time they turned off Tyler's mic,_ he thought, _like that one time I got super pissed because no one does that to my best friend_. Josh quickly glanced around again, but didn't see Tyler. That was when he got even more anxious.

That's when he saw all the security guards rushing together around an area on the stage. Josh dropped both his drumsticks, and stood up. It was nearly silent in the venue, besides the frantic sobs he heard from many fans. Not only was Josh's heart beating out of his chest, but he could feel his head pounding as well.

He approached the area where the guards had gathered. His hands flew up to his head when he saw it—he knew it was Tyler, but he didn't know how bad it was—a small body crumpled on the ground, the joints twisted in completely unnatural ways. All he wanted in that moment was to be close to him--to hold his hand, to hug him, or something. _Anything._

"Tyler?" Josh uttered, seeing black spots in his vision. He could barely stand while trying to fight the wave of dizziness taking over him.

"Mr. Dun, let's get you off stage." A man firmly took Josh's arm and escorted him offstage, while Josh heard the muffled cries of the worried fans. There were so many thoughts swirling around in his head that he could barely hear. His vision was taking a toll as well, as he felt extremely dizzy. He looked one last time at Tyler's helpless body before he lost consciousness.

-

Josh opened his eyes and saw the backstage crew running around in chaos. In the distance, he heard an ambulance. Why was there a— _Tyler_.

He turned to the nearest crew member, a small woman who had a terribly worried look on her face. "Where is Tyler? Is he okay?"

She stopped in her tracks. "I'm not sure," she said. "From what I've heard, he's alive."

Josh nodded, swallowing. He felt a painful lump in his throat growing as the woman continued on her way, joining everyone else—who all had terrible looks on their faces. Josh decided to take matters into his own hands, since there was no security member by his side.

He stood up from where he was sitting, feeling a slight wave of dizziness rush through him—although it was nowhere close to what he had felt earlier. He grabbed the bottle of water that was on the floor next to the box he'd been sitting on. It seemed as if someone had left it for him, and then had taken off. After gulping down most of the bottle, he set it down and started walking in the direction the small woman had gone.

Josh heard the sound of the ambulance getting closer, so he knew he was going in the right direction. He was about to make his way outside when a security guard stopped him.

"You can't go out there." he said, pushing on Josh's chest to make sure he didn't move forward.

"I deserve to know what happened to my best friend." He said, flaring his nostrils.

"Someone will alert you later. For now, you have to stay inside until it's safe to leave." The man said.

"Safe? What's going on?" Josh shook his head in confusion.

"It's a madhouse out there. The fans have gone crazy trying to find Tyler. The only person leaving the building is Tyler, in that ambulance. Escorted by an abundance of security, of course." He said.

"Why can't I go with him? He's basically my brother, I deserve—oh my god, have you called his family yet? This is going to ruin Kelly..." Josh was on the verge of hyperventilating. "You need to call him, and Chris, and oh, god, Zack...you gotta call Zack..." It was a good thing that they were playing in Columbus tonight, so the family didn't have to travel far.

"I believe they've alerted the family."

"You don't understand, I'm part of that family. I need to know what's going on." Josh breathed heavily, grabbing the shoulders of the man.

The man sighed, then reached for his radio. "We need to get Dun out in one of those cars."

"That's against protocol. He's supposed to stay in the venue." A woman replied through the man's radio.

"The poor guy's freaking out. Just let him go."

A few long seconds later, the woman replied. "Fine. It's approved for him to go. Bring him out to the fourth car."

Soon enough, Josh was brought outside and quickly put into one of the security cars that were about to leave for the hospital. The ambulance wasn't in sight, which sent Josh into a panic.

"Where is Tyler? Did they take him already?" He asked the driver, who was completely unresponsive.

After what seemed like forever, the cars left the lot and started on their way to the hospital. When they arrived, two security guards met Josh at the car and escorted him inside. There were already crowds of fans at the hospital trying to find out any information they could, but Josh was so on edge that he barely even noticed they were there, shouting his name, asking questions about Tyler that he didn't even know the answer to.

They sat Josh down in the waiting room closest to where Tyler was, security keeping a very close watch on Josh. He asked everyone around what was happening and if Tyler was going to be okay, but no one had an answer for him. When Tyler's parents and siblings arrived, they were given just about the amount of information Josh was given. No one seemed to know anything about what was happening with Tyler.

It was 1:28 in the morning when a doctor finally came to update everyone. Josh, as well as Tyler's family, stood up to receive the news. Josh had never felt more anxious in his life.

"I have good news, and bad news." The doctor tried to use the cliché saying to calm everyone down. "Good news, Tyler is alive. You are all very lucky, this could've easily been fatal. It's practically a miracle that he's alive."

"And?" Zack questioned the doctor.

"Bad news. He suffered very serious injuries, both physically and mentally. We believe that eventually he will recover physically, but we are not certain what will become of his mental health. Luckily, Tyler must've covered his head with his hands, because the injuries to his head could've been fatal, and they weren't. However, he still suffered a great amount of damage."

"What do you mean, you aren't certain what'll become of his mental health?" Tyler's mother, Kelly, asked, her hands pressed to her face and Chris's, Tyler's father, arm wrapped around her.

"He could suffer many long term injuries such as memory loss, or even brain cell loss. The doctor said.

"Memory loss?" Tyler's mother gasped.

Josh sunk back into his chair. His best friend as he knew him could be lost. He tried to tune out the others as they talked to the doctor, but he kept hearing Tyler's name and couldn't. Eventually, he got up to go find something to eat. In all the chaos, he realized he hadn't eaten since before the show and was starving. After finding a vending machine and buying some sort of sandwich, he found himself wandering around the building aimlessly as he ate. Somehow, he found a sort of balcony, and stood outside for a bit.

Josh looked around the parking lot, and saw hundreds of fans gathered outside the building. Most of them seemed desperate to know something, anything, about Tyler's condition. Josh decided to pull his phone out of his pocket and do something. Most likely against the wishes of all security and management, he tweeted:

_Tyler is okay for now, but he needs all the prayers we can get. Thank you for the love_

He knew that was sort of a lie, because Tyler wasn't okay. He was just _alive._ In fact, he wasn't even living. He was just surviving, existing.

Josh stared down at the fans as they all saw Josh's tweet. He saw some hugs, and heard many of them shouting in relief, but he had no idea what was coming next. Or what he'd have to tell them next.

The door behind him burst open, one of his security guards rushing out with a furious look on his face. "You can't just run off like that, Dun. I'm supposed to keep a close eye on you and you just disappeared without any trace."

"Then do your job better," Josh said in a cold tone, then walking past the guard back into the building. He found the waiting room again, and eventually fell asleep—even with the security guards literally sitting right next to him.

-

Josh was awoken by loud conversation and someone shaking him awake. It was Zack. "Another update." He said.

"Again, good news and bad news." The doctor said. "Good news: Tyler will make a full physical recovery for sure. But the bad news is, we've had to put him in a medically induced coma because we are getting very erratic readings from his brain."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tyler's father asked.

"His brain waves are very inconsistent, and they keep spiking."

"Which means...?" Josh asked.

"He will, most likely, once he wakes up, suffer from memory loss, or brain damage."

The room was silent. This was turning into a much more serious matter than anyone desired—everyone was a bit overwhelmed.

"I will let you know when we are going to wake him up." And with that, the doctor left again.

Hours passed, and Josh stayed awake, staring at the ceiling. He thought about what was going to happen if anything happened to Tyler's mind—was he going to think he was someone else? Was he going to completely forget about Josh, and Twenty One Pilots? Was he going to wake up and wonder who the strange man with the pink hair was? It wasn't long before Josh got lost in his own thoughts.

_Josh entered Tyler's room, as nervous as ever. He looked at Tyler, who appeared completely different. He seemed even more fragile than before, and there were cuts and bruises all over his body. His eyes were sunken in, and his hair was sticking up in places it shouldn't have. But the one thing that stuck out to Josh was how tired he looked. Of course, Tyler gave off the feeling that he was tired all the time, but this was different._

_"Tyler?" Josh's voice shook as he approached the bed._

_Tyler slowly turned his head, evidently in pain. He looked up and down Josh, a sort of frown on his face. He raised his eyebrows, then said, "Who are you?"_

"Josh!" someone shouted, pulling Josh out of his dreams. He was overcome by chills for a moment, then shook himself back to reality.

"What?" he asked Zack, who woke him.

"I was supposed to wake you up, because...they took him out of the coma. He's awake, Josh." Zack said, but there was something uncertain about his tone.

"He is? Have you seen him? Can I see him? Why am I the last to know?" Josh immediately stood up.

"Um, listen, Josh." Zack glanced down at his feet. "We've seen him, but you're not going to like what I'm going to say next."

Josh's heart sunk. _Oh, no. He doesn't remember anything._

"I'm pretty sure he remembers most everything, but...." Zack said.

Josh shook his head. "What?" he said. "What's wrong with him?"

"Josh, it's bad." He said.

"How bad?"

"Tyler thinks he's Blurryface."


	2. Shaking Hands With the Dark Parts of My Thoughts

Josh rubbed his sweaty palms against his shorts as he walked towards Tyler's room. His head was suffocating with so many thoughts at once— _how can Tyler think he's Blurryface? He can't. There's no way. That's ridiculous, he's gotta be messing with us or something..._

The doctor informed him that it was a case of what they called borrowed identity. A patient suffering from severe head injuries could develop a new personality based on someone close to them. Josh asked, "That's a legit thing?", and apparently it was. After Tyler's parents explained to the doctor what Blurryface was, he was extremely confused as to why Tyler chose a character to model himself after.

A voice broke him out of his thoughts as he approached the door. "Josh, I'm warning you. I don't know what he's thinking, but it's scary. He honestly thinks that he's Blurryface." Jay, Tyler's younger brother said.

Josh just nodded. He was shaking as he twisted the doorknob. He had no idea what he was getting himself into.

He pushed open the door, taking a deep breath. The room was cold, and had a sense of loneliness to it. It was your everyday hospital room, sounds of a monitor beeping included. However, Josh heard something very familiar, and something he had honestly never wanted to hear again in his life.

"My name's Blurryface..." It was Tyler. Rocking back and forth on his bed, staring at the ceiling. "...And I care what you think."

A wave of fear ran through Josh. As Tyler kept repeating the phrase over and over again, he approached the bed. "Tyler?"

Tyler froze. He slowly turned his head towards Josh, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. There were bruises all over him, just like in Josh's dream. He had a bandage wrapped around his forehead, and a few cuts on his face. He looked like he'd been to hell and back—perhaps that was where Blurryface was from. "Josh, I don't know why everyone keeps calling me that," he shook his head. "It's insulting. To be called the person who has named you after named his insecurities."

"What?" Josh could barely form the word. Tyler's voice hadn't changed, thankfully, to the octave of Blurryface, and it wasn't like his eyes were blood red, but Josh could tell he had changed for the worse.

"Tyler is real. Tyler has clean hands and a clean neck. Tyler is good, people like Tyler. Tyler created me. I want Tyler dead." He kept shaking his head over and over again, almost like he was twitching uncontrollably.

"Blurryface?" Josh said quietly, swallowing.

Tyler looked up at Josh, his eyes staring directly into Josh's. "That's me, Josh."

Josh slowly shook his head. "Tyler, this isn't funny, come on. Blurryface isn't real, you are. Stop pretending." He laughed nervously.

"I. AM. NOT. PRETENDING!" Tyler yelled, starting to rip the IV's out of his arm so he could get up.

Josh stared at his best friend, as he ran towards him. Tyler stretched out his arms and pushed him back violently, shoving him against the wall. Josh felt limp and out of control. It was as if Tyler had some sort of control over him.

"Shut up Josh, shut up Josh..." Tyler mumbled over and over.

Right as Tyler was about to strike Josh across the face, a nurse and Tyler's doctor burst in and restrained him. They pushed him back down onto the bed, as he struggled, and quickly used restraints to attach him to the bed.

Josh leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily. His best friend, or whoever Tyler thought he was, had just attacked him.

"Are you hurt, sir?" the nurse asked him.

Josh shook his head. "No,"

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave, sir." She said calmly.

"No, I need to talk to him," Josh said in protest. "You're treating him like he's crazy, or something. I mean, are those restraints even necessary?"

"Sir, please."

Josh lifted his hands in defeat, then left the room. Jay was outside waiting.

"Did you see that?" Josh asked him.

Jay nodded. "The whole thing."

"What is wrong with him?" Josh muttered, staring at the ground. He felt a sort of emptiness.

"I don't know, but I'm scared." He said.

"They're treating him like he's insane," Josh said, looking through the window.

Jay was silent for a moment. "But what if he is?"

Josh glared at him. "Tyler isn't crazy, Jay."

"I don't know anymore." He said.

-

They were going to move Tyler to the psych ward, and the only visitors he could have were family. Josh sat alone in the waiting room—at least he felt alone. There were security guards and some crew members with him, but he didn't feel like talking to any of them. No one understood what he was going through.

He would stare at the ceiling for hours, his mind empty. He didn't want to think about anything, not the concert last night, not the fans, and definitely not Tyler—or, Blurryface. Josh decided to go see if there were still fans outside, waiting.

"Can I go outside and visit the fans?" he asked one of the security guards.

After minutes of persuasion, the guard finally gave in and said he could as long as he was accompanied by at least two of the guards. He thought, _perhaps talking to some fans will cheer me up._

The minute he stepped outside, staring at the ground, he expected to hear deafening screams from the fans, but it was nearly silent. He thought, _maybe they've all left, oh well_. But when he looked up, there were still a couple hundred fans, standing there, waiting.

"Hey, guys." He said, and suddenly found himself trying to hold back tears. He wondered why they were all silent, but brushed the thought off.

No one said a word. Josh heard a few quiet sobs in the distance, but no one talked.

"I came out here because...honestly, I needed a cheer up. This whole thing is getting to me." Josh said.

A girl towards the front of the crowd spoke up. Her face was stained with tears, and her eyes were red from the lack of sleep. "How is Tyler?"

Josh stood there for a moment, his body still but his eyes scanning the crowd. "He's alive, and he's awake."

Murmurs rose through the crowd. They became louder, and louder, until Josh couldn't understand what anyone was saying. He shook his head, overwhelmed and turned to go back inside. He ran past the guards, and through the hallways, until he found the balcony from before.

It was now late morning, so he could now properly see the people. The couple hundred fans were in a cluster, away from the entrance now, because security had taken a hold of them and made sure they weren't causing any problems for the hospital. Josh was sure, of course, that they'd tried to have them leave, but no one would. That's how dedicated their fans were. He stood on the balcony for some time, simply watching the fans. Some left, and some joined in. The number grew, ever so slightly, which made Josh feel a bit better. He was honestly surprised that no one had noticed him up on the balcony—he was out in the open and wasn't hiding. It gave him a sense of calmness, however, which allowed him to stay in isolation and peace on the balcony.

After an hour or so, he wondered why security hadn't come to collect him yet. Perhaps they'd simply given up on trying to contain Josh. Eventually, someone did come to find him. It was Chris, Tyler's father.

"Hey, Josh." He said as he came to stand next to Josh.

"Hi." Josh said.

"Listen, the doctor wants you to come back and try to talk to Tyler one last time before they...before they move him. Apparently when you talked to him, it spiked something in his brain."

"What's there to spike? It's not like he has memory loss or anything." Josh sighed.

"He said this personality thing shouldn't last that long. He'll snap out of it, but he's gotta be triggered by something. The doctor thinks it will be caused by you." Chris said.

"Why me?" Josh asked.

Chris hesitated. "Tyler's heart beat fluctuated the most when he talked to you."

Josh frowned. "What's that supposed to mean? Cause he was angry?"

"No," Chris shook his head. "He thinks it was out of love."

"Love?" Josh felt his face turning red. "I guess because we're best friends. But you guys are his family, why wouldn't it be you?"

"He isn't sure. But please, Josh, talk to him. The sooner he returns to his normal self, the better it'll be for everyone."

Josh nodded. "I understand. I'll talk to him."

Before entering the room again, Josh ran his fingers through his hair and once again wiped his sweaty palms on his shorts. He was even more nervous than the last time, since he knew now what he was getting himself into. Or at least sort of.

"Josh," Tyler looked up and smiled.

 _Could he be normal again, already? That looks pretty close to Tyler's usual smile_ , Josh thought. "Hey, Ty—I mean, what are you going by?"

"Blurryface, of course. Or I mean, you can call me Blurry if you want, but that's a little weird." He said, still smiling.

Josh's heart dropped, and he felt sick. _He still thinks he's Blurryface. What on earth am I supposed to do?_

"So, I think we're going to cancel the rest of the tour. I'm really disappointed about that." Josh said.

"I'm sorry. Tyler will be upset about that. I mean, it is totally his fault. So that should make him feel even worse." Tyler said.

"I don't think it's your...his fault. He lost his footing and fell off the scaffolding, it was an accident." Josh said.

"I know, I was there."

"You were?"

"Of course. I see what Tyler sees, I basically am Tyler, but the 'secret' side of him. Like his...alter ego, I like that. I'm always with him." Tyler said.

"So, you have all his memories? He hasn't forgotten anything, right?" Josh asked.

"As far as I'm concerned, everything is intact up there." He said, pointing to his brain.

"I'm not so sure about that." Josh muttered.

"What's that?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "So...have you been Blurryface all along? Or did the accident just cause you to gain...control...of Tyler?"

"I don't know." Tyler said. "I think it's been mostly Tyler in control."

Josh couldn't help but think about how crazy this was. Tyler actually thought that Blurryface was real, and that he was in control of his body. He hoped that this wouldn't last too long.

"Anyways, Josh, why are you cancelling the tour? I can take Tyler's place. No one will notice." Tyler shrugged.

"I think people might notice." Josh said.

"Why?"

"Can you sing like Tyler? I mean, can you take on the personality he does when he's playing a show?" That's when Josh realized—this was the personality Tyler had when they played a show. At least recently, anyways. Tyler became Blurryface, acting super dramatic and such.

"Of course." The slight twinge in Tyler's voice made Josh completely sure that Tyler had transformed into his stage character.

"Listen, I think it's just safe to cancel the tour. You'll have to recover physically, and who knows how long that'll take." Josh said.

"That's true. I mean, I can barely move right now."

"Do you remember attacking me, earlier...Blurryface?" Josh asked.

He nodded. "Yes, I do."

"How did you do that if you can barely move?"

"I'm not sure," Tyler twitched uncomfortably. "I wasn't even thinking about the pain. I just wanted to..."

"Wanted to what?"

"To hurt you." He said.

Josh rubbed his forehead and ran his fingers through his hair again. "Do you want to hurt me now?"

"No, you haven't made me angry." Tyler said.

"Okay." Josh looked down at his feet. He didn't know what to say anymore. "Listen, I think I'm going to go home and take a shower, maybe get a change of clothes? Is that alright with you?"

"I don't see why it wouldn't be." Tyler shrugged.

"Okay, I'll come back later." Josh said, then quickly left the room.

"How'd it go?" Chris immediately met him outside of the room.

"Good, I guess. I'm not sure. He's acting like Tyler, but then not." Josh said.

"Well, he thinks that he's Blurryface." Chris said.

"I've also realized that he's acting how he does when we play shows. He's more dramatic, a little creepy and dark, and he's got a strange accent...you know?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, now I see it. I still don't understand why he chose to be Blurryface. Out of all the people he knows, he chose a character?" Chris shook his head.

"I don't get it either." Josh said. "Hey, I'm gonna go home for a bit and shower. Also get some real food. Is that alright?" As much as he wanted to stay by Tyler's side, he knew he was starting to smell and that his stomach was growling.

"Yeah, of course." Chris said.

"Call me if anything changes." Josh said, giving the man a hug.

"For sure." He said, offering a small smile to Josh.


	3. I Kind of Like it When I Make You Cry

Once Josh got home, he immediately took a relaxing shower, ate lunch, and then laid down on his bed. After about five minutes of staring at the ceiling, he fell asleep.

_"Josh! Stop it." Tyler laughed as his friend stole his shirt and ran away with it. "I need that."_

_"I don't think so," Josh grinned. "You look fine without it."_

_Tyler blushed. "Yeah, I'm aware of that, but others might not be."_

_"One glance at you...they'll be aware." The pink-haired drummer said, his smile fading. He kept glancing at Tyler, who was still laughing. Recently, he'd been looking at Tyler differently. Different as in every time he saw his face, he thought about what would happen if he lost him. What would happen if he never spoke to him again, if he never was able to touch him again..._

_"Josh?" Tyler playfully snapped his fingers in front of Josh's face. "You okay?" his smile left his face as well._

_"Yeah, I'm fine. Just started thinking, and I didn't like it." He said._

_"Thinking? About what?" the singer asked._

_"Nothing, really. Just what would happen if we...if we weren't friends anymore. Like, at all."_

_Tyler frowned, not saying anything for a moment. He looked down at his shoes, then back up at Josh. "Well, I suppose that would be no good, then, wouldn't it?"_

_Josh shook his head. "Yeah, no, not at all." he chuckled._

_"We'll be best friends forever!" Tyler said, grinning like a child._

_"Forever." Josh laughed at how silly they were acting, but deep down he hoped that Tyler's words were true._

Josh snapped awake, his phone buzzing next to his pillow. He sat up quickly, grabbing it and looking at the screen in hope, only to find that it was his mom calling, and not anyone that was at the hospital with Tyler.

"Hi, mom." Josh said.

"Josh, honey, oh my gosh. I just saw what happened, but you know where? From Twitter. Why didn't you call me? Or at least text me?" Laura, Josh's mom asked frantically.

"I'm sorry, mom, but all I can think about is Tyler." Josh said, his voice shaking.

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. I should've known. This wouldn't be easy for anyone." she said.

"It's okay, mom. It's just really hard." He said.

"Well, how is he? All I've seen is that he fell, and now he's in a coma--"

"He's not in a coma. A fan must've made that up." Josh frowned.

"Oh." she said. "Well, that's a relief."

"I think I would rather him be in a coma than have him acting like he is now." Josh said quietly.

"What was that? Josh, what are you saying? How is Tyler acting?" she asked, concerned.

"I'd rather him be in a coma instead of act like he's Blurryface." Josh said.

Laura was silent for what felt like a whole minute. "Blurryface? Tyler is acting like Blurryface?"

"Yeah, mom, and I don't know why. The doctors don't really know either, they say it's some identity borrowing thing, but it's just so weird and unnatural, and it's not Tyler. He's not Tyler, but I know he's in there somewhere..." Josh had to stop and catch his breath, as well as stop himself from crying. He felt like a little kid, wanted to cry to his mother and tell her all his problems. "This is just so hard, mom. I don't know what to do."

He heard his mom sigh over the phone. "Josh, baby, it's gonna be okay. Tyler is gonna be okay, you hear me? This is Tyler we're talking about. He's strong, and he'll be back to normal in no time. I know it."

Josh sighed. "I know. I'm just getting impatient already and it's only been a couple hours."

"I know, sweetie. But just think about how happy you'll be when he's back to being Tyler again."

"Yeah. Okay." he said. Josh felt his phone vibrate against his ear. "Hang on mom, someone's calling me."

"Okay, I'll let you go. Call me if there's any updates." Laura said.

"Kay. Love you mom."

"Love you too."

Josh hung up, then saw who was calling him--it was Chris, finally. "Hello?"

"Josh, Tyler is asking for you." Chris said.

Josh immediately stood up, grabbing his keys. "I'll be right there."

"Okay. Drive safe."

As soon as Josh arrived at the hospital, he practically ran to the front desk. "Tyler Joseph?"

The woman at the front desk looked through some papers. "I'm sorry, only family."

"I...I am family." Josh said.

"Name?"

Josh just shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm not family." he walked away slowly, then sat down in one of the chairs near the front door.

He watched the receptionist as she looked through more papers. He figured there was no way to persuade her to let him in, so he thought he might as well take a risk.

Waiting until she turned around to look on her computer, Josh stood up and booked it towards the hallway which said "Behavioral Health Unit". He didn't hear anyone coming after him, so he kept going.

Josh had no idea where he was going, so he wandered down the hall. Finally, he found a door which said "BHU". He looked around, then snuck in.

Luckily, the first thing he saw once inside was Maddy, sitting alone on a chair next to one of the doors. "Maddy!"

She looked up at Josh, her cheeks stained with tears. "Hey, Josh." She said, wiping her cheeks.

"How're you holding up?" Josh asked, wrapping his arms around her for a hug.

"Not good...probably about the same as you." She said, offering him a small smile.

"No, Maddy, you're his sister. It's gotta be a whole lot worse." He said.

"Well, you're his best friend." Maddy said.

"Yeah," Josh said. "I am."

"Anyways, Tyler's asking for you. You better go in there." She said.

"Right, thanks." Josh said, then went through the door that she was gesturing at.

The room almost looked like someone's bedroom, if it was hardly decorated and very plain. Most everything was white, including the walls and the bed--except for Tyler, of course. He was sitting on the bed, his legs crossed and his arms propping him up in the back. He looked like regular old Tyler, which made Josh's heart skip a beat. _Could it be? No, Chris would've told him, and Maddy wouldn't be that upset..._ The rest of Tyler's family was sitting in the chairs that were set up around the room. Tyler's mom looked as if she was trying to be optimistic, but his father looked so tired.

"Josh, good! You came." Tyler flashed a smile at Josh, which gave him butterflies for some odd reason. _It's just because he looks normal, that's all..._

"Hey, um...Blurryface." The word seemed to cause a lump in Josh's throat. He absolutely hated it now. As if he didn't before, though, because it was something that caused Tyler pain.

Tyler smiled again. He wasn't back to normal. It was as if he was expecting Josh to call him Blurryface.

"I heard you were asking for me?" Josh said, his hopeful tone gone.

"Yes, that's right."

"Do you need something?"

"I was going to ask you a question." Tyler said.

"Go ahead."

"Would you rather me be Tyler or Blurryface?"

This caused a few gasps from Tyler's family members.

"I think you know the answer to that question, and it's Tyler." Kelly spoke up, a hurt look on her face.

"I WASN'T ASKING YOU." Tyler flared his nostrils, glaring at Kelly.

She was silent, and didn't even apologize.

"Josh?" Tyler asked quietly.

"I think I agree with Kelly. I would rather have Tyler here." Josh said, fearing how Tyler would react.

"I get it. I hate to let you down, but that's not under my control." And with that, he burst out laughing. This was not Tyler at all, and it hurt Josh to realize that.

Tyler's family was silent, most of them staring at the ground. None of them wanted to say anything, because they were all scared of Blurryface and knew he would just lose control if any of them said anything.

Josh stood and stared at Tyler, feeling a new kind of pain in his body. He felt so useless--all he could do was watch Tyler be something he wasn't without being able to do anything about it. He couldn't help Tyler, which made him feel sick. He'd always been able to help him, but now he couldn't. And it was killing him.

"I have to go," Josh said, his throat closing up. He couldn't breathe. He ran out of the room, and down the hallway where he found a bench. He collapsed onto it, trying to calm himself down. It wasn't working.

"Josh!" He heard a man's voice call out to him from down the hallway. It was familiar, but Josh was too busy trying to catch his breath to try and figure out who it was.

Someone grabbed his shoulders. "Josh. Breathe! I'll count for you...it's going to be okay."

Josh breathed with whoever was counting, and was able to regain control of his breaths. He looked up, and saw Mark, one of their good friends.

"Mark," he let go a sigh of relief. "I wasn't sure who was helping me. I thought it might've been...never mind."

"Josh, I'm sure many people have told you this, but Tyler is going to be okay. We both know him really well, and we know that Tyler is strong, and he's gonna get through this." Mark said.

"Yeah, I know." Josh sighed. It was true, everyone had been telling him that. And it still meant nothing after the hundredth time.

"Did you see him, just now?" Mark asked him.

Josh nodded. He didn't want to think about what had just happened. Tyler laughing maniacally, and having a certain look in his eyes that was not Tyler.

"What happened?"

"He asked if I'd rather have Tyler here, or Blurryface, and I said Tyler, of course... so he started laughing all scary and evil like. I couldn't stand it, because that isn't Tyler." Josh said, getting the chills as he thought about it more. "Have you seen him yet?"

Mark shook his head. "No. I just got back here. I had to lie to the front desk and tell them I was Mark Joseph, Tyler's brother...how'd you get in?"

"I kind of snuck in." Josh said.

"Well, that's one way to do it." he laughed.

"Yeah. Let's hope they don't realize I'm back here." Josh said.

"Honestly," Mark looked around and leaned into Josh, "The security at your concerts are better than it is here. They wouldn't even care, I bet. As long as you aren't some terrorist, I guess."

"Makes sense." Josh said.

"Should I go in there?" Mark asked, gesturing towards Tyler's room.

"Sure," Josh shrugged. "Maybe you'll be the trigger and he'll return to normal."

"The trigger?" Mark asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The doctor said he needs something or someone to trigger him in order for him to be Tyler again. Maybe it's you." Josh said.

"It wasn't you? That's surprising." Mark asked.

"No...why is it surprising?"

"I don't know. Just cause you guys are, you know...uh, best friends." Mark said.

"Oh." Josh did feel a small pain in his chest, knowing that he wasn't the one who would help Tyler.

"Maybe it'll be something you do." Mark grinned, then gave him a reassuring pat on his shoulder. "I'm gonna go in there."

"Good luck." Josh muttered. He watched as Mark opened the door and went inside.

He sat on the bench, staring at the door. When was the "trigger" going to come along, and what was it going to be? Would it be a certain person, or something somebody did? Whatever it was, Josh hoped it was going to be him. He wanted to help Tyler.


	4. I Need Your Help To Take Him Out

Days passed, and each day, Josh visited Tyler with no real result. Tyler, or Blurryface, would torment Josh about how Tyler wasn't here and there was nothing he could do about it. It was evident that Blurryface didn't like either Tyler or Josh.

Eventually, the doctors decided that there wasn't much they could do, and that Tyler could go home. Of course, he was to be under 24 hour watch, and he wasn't allowed to leave the house without supervision. Josh thought that Tyler's family would want him at their house, but instead, they asked Josh if he wanted him to stay at his house.

"He hates me." Josh said.

"We don't think that, we just think that Blurryface is a little...bitter, you know?" Kelly said to Josh. "Chris and I have decided that it might be better if he stays with you. It might, you know, trigger him if he was with you all the time."

"But you guys are his actual family. I'm just his best friend, what am I going to do?" Josh asked.

Chris and Kelly simply looked at each other. "We think that Tyler might...Tyler might feel more comfortable being around you."

"Okay." Josh said. He didn't exactly know why they felt this, but he was sort of okay with it. He wasn't sure if they just didn't want to deal with Blurryface, or if they actually thought him being with Josh was a good idea. However, Josh hoped that maybe spending more time with Tyler would help him.

"So, is it okay if he stays with you? We'll visit all the time, of course." Kelly said.

"Yeah, of course." Josh said.

Once Tyler was discharged from the hospital, and they got his things together, Josh brought his car around to the front so that Tyler could get in. He wasn't sure how this would go, or even if Tyler's parents had told him that he was going with Josh.

He pulled up to the curb, and waited. Minutes later, he saw Tyler's parents and Tyler walking out the front door. The rest of his family had gone home, or to their own homes, so that they could return to their lives.

From what Josh gathered, Tyler was tired and didn't care where he was going. He had a sort of confused look on his face, as if he wasn't entirely sure what was going on. Josh's heart started beating faster as they approached the car.

Tyler peered into the window, squinting his eyes. His gaze met Josh's, and he stared at him for a moment. Josh held his breath. Tyler turned back around to his parents, and didn't seem to have a fit over who was taking him home. His parents hugged him, and then he got in the front seat of Josh's car.

"Hey." Tyler said, looking down at his feet and not at Josh.

"Hi." Josh let go of his breath, relieved that Tyler seemed okay with the fact that he was going with Josh.

"So my parents decided that I should go with you, huh?" Tyler said.

"I guess." Josh said. "Not sure why."

"Cause Tyler really likes you." Tyler shrugged.

"Well yeah, we're best friends." he said.

"And that's it?"

Josh froze. "What do you mean?"

"I think Tyler really likes you."

"You already said that." Josh said.

"But it's true," he said. "I see his thoughts."

Josh shook his head. "I don't believe anything you say, so that doesn't matter to me."

"I'm going to tell Tyler you said that." He teased.

Josh stared straight ahead, focusing on the road and not what Blurryface was saying.

"Ignore me all you want, but just know that I am Tyler, too." he said.

Again, Josh ignored him. He didn't trust Blurryface, and of course what he was saying wasn't true. Tyler didn't feel that way, and he never would. Both Josh and Tyler knew it.

Finally, they arrived at Josh's house. Josh let them both inside, then told Tyler he could sleep in the guest bedroom. He didn't bother telling him where it was, because he knew that Tyler had used it a couple times before and would have no trouble remembering where it was.

Josh went to his room, closed the door and laid down on the bed. He knew that Tyler was supposed to be watched at all times, but he trusted Blurryface enough to leave him alone for a couple minutes. He felt exhausted both physically and emotionally, so he closed his eyes and planned to lay there for just a bit--but ended up falling asleep.

When he woke up, he felt someone's arm laying across his chest and their head nestled into his shoulder. He froze for a minute, not sure who it was. But once he looked to the side, he saw Tyler laying there. His heart skipped a beat, and he didn't dare move.

 _Why on earth is Tyler lying here?_ Josh laid there for a moment, wanting to enjoy the situation, but he knew it was completely wrong. First of all, it wasn't Tyler, and second...he didn't feel this way...

He took a deep breath, then lifted Tyler's arm off of his. Tyler sighed, asleep, but didn't wake up. Josh slowly got off of his bed, and left the room, leaving the door open behind him. He turned around and looked at how peaceful Tyler looked while asleep. He knew it wasn't him, but still. He enjoyed seeing the look on his face.

Josh heard his stomach growl, so he went down into the kitchen to find something to have for dinner. He decided he should make something for Tyler as well, since he still needed to eat food.

He decided to make pasta with white sauce, and was nearly done making it when he saw Tyler walking down the stairs.

"Whatcha making?" He asked. "I woke up and smelled something good. Can I have some?"

"Pasta with white sauce," he said. "Yes, I made some for you too."

"Thank you." Tyler said.

Josh was a little shocked that Blurryface still had manners, and said things like 'thank you'.

"Are you mad at me?" Tyler asked. "I can hear it in your tone."

"No."

"Lies!" Tyler shouted.

"Why did you fall asleep next to me?" Josh asked angrily as he mixed the noodles and the sauce together.

"I thought you might like it." he said.

"Well, I didn't." Josh said. He felt a bit of guilt, as if he was lying, but he knew he wasn't. _Of course I didn't like it. Of course not._

"Liar." Tyler said, grinned.

Josh shook his head, then served Tyler some pasta. "Here."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He said, pouring himself some pasta.

They both sat in silence and ate their dinner, neither of them having anything to say. Josh thought to himself for a minute. _Maybe I did like it._ He swallowed, not liking that thought.

After they both finished their food, Josh cleaned up the plates and washed them in the sink. Tyler took it upon himself to turn on the TV and watch one of the movie channels. Josh reluctantly sat on the couch with him, staying a couple feet away.

Tyler looked over at him, and frowned. "Why won't you come sit here next to me? Contrary to popular belief, I don't bite."

Josh stared straight ahead at the TV, trying hard to ignore Tyler's voice begging in his ear. He bit his lip, seeing Tyler stare at him in the corner of his eye.

"Tyler doesn't need to know." Blurryface whispered, leaning over towards Josh.

Josh's heart pounded, finally giving in and looking over at Tyler. He was staring at Josh with an intense look, his eyes burning Josh's. "When Tyler comes back, is he going to remember this?"

Blurryface shook his head. "Of course not."

Josh stared at Tyler, thinking of what he could do without Tyler knowing. Or was Blurryface just bluffing, and Tyler would know what happened? Josh quickly snapped out of it and stood up.

"Tyler can't know how I feel."

"Don't worry." Blurryface said, standing up and approaching Josh. He had a slight grin on his face, much like one Tyler would produce. "Do I look like him yet?"

Josh's eyes lingered on Tyler's lips. That was when it hit him like a train: _I'm in love with him,_ he thought. _No, not Blurryface, never Blurryface. Tyler. I'm in love with Tyler._ He shook his head violently. _But we're just friends. Best friends who wouldn't be if Josh told Tyler his feelings._

But Blurryface insisted on coming closer to Josh, eventually caressing Josh's cheek with his palm. "He won't know." He persuaded.

Josh leaned in, gazing into Tyler's coffee brown eyes. He made contact with his lips, quickly but softly, trying to take it all in. Tyler's lips were as soft as Josh had imagined, but there was a roughness about them that must've come from...Blurryface. Josh pulled away, immediately wiping his mouth. He most certainly didn't mean to kiss Blurryface.

"I guess true love's kiss doesn't always break the spell after all," Tyler smirked. "Or maybe you just aren't Tyler's true love."

Josh bit his lip, trying to hold back his tears. He had just kissed _Blurryface_ , and now Tyler was going to know how Josh felt. It wasn't going to be the same when he returned to normal. _Normal._ Josh realized that he still had no idea when Tyler would come back to normal, and he absolutely hated it.

"I...I have to go." Josh mumbled, then stormed out the front door. At this point, he didn't care if Blurryface wrecked his house, he just wanted Tyler back.

He wandered down his street for hours before returning home. To his surprise, the house was still standing. Going inside, he expected a mess, but instead, found nothing. He searched the house for Tyler, but couldn't find him, which sent Josh into a panic.

"Shit." Josh didn't usually cuss, but the word just slipped out of his mouth when he realized that Tyler was _missing_. Not just Blurryface, but _Tyler._ His heart began to race as he double checked the whole house, as well as the backyard. _What am I supposed to do? I lost Tyler._ He picked up his phone, dialing Mark's number.

"Hey, Josh." Mark picked up almost immediately.

"Mark, I kind of...lost Tyler." Josh said.

"What do you mean, lost Tyler? How on earth did you do that?" Mark asked.

"He was...frustrating me, so I left the house for an hour and came back and he was gone." Josh said frantically. "I wasn't thinking, Mark, I'm so stupid. What am I supposed to do?"

"Just look around your street, and I'll come right over and help--hang on, someone just--it's Tyler..."

"What? Tyler what?"

"Tyler just showed up at my house in a taxi. You should just head over here." Mark said, then hung up.

"Wait--Mark! Mark?" Josh practically yelled into the dead line. He shook his head, grabbing his keys, then heading out to Mark's house.

When he arrived, he headed up to the door, but didn't ring the doorbell. He heard voices coming through the open window, so he decided to stop and listen.

"I'm so scared, Mark, what if I go back to being Tyler?" It was Tyler's voice talking, but Blurryface was the one who was speaking.

"Why are you scared?" Mark asked.

"I'll just go back to being a faceless character that Tyler created. He always just pushes me to the back of his head, trying to avoid me, and he does such a good job at it. No one even knows I'm there." Blurryface said.

Josh frowned. _Could Blurryface actually have a soul? And feelings?_

"Tyler knows you're there, Josh knows, the fans..."

"Josh knows, but he doesn't care. He pretends I don't exist."

"Perhaps it's because you hurt Tyler?" Mark said.

"I don't want to hurt him. But I have to." Blurry said.

"You don't have to hurt anyone."

"Once Tyler gave me a name, and a personality of sorts, I became it. I have no choice in the matter. Tyler always asks why I want him dead, well, it's because he thinks I want him dead. I don't."

"Well, what do you want?" Mark asked.

"To be him." Blurryface replied, almost too quiet for Josh to hear.

That was too much for Josh. He let his feelings take over, and knocked on the door.

"Is that Josh?" Blurryface sounded worried. "Tell me it's not Josh."

Mark opened the door, smiling weakly at Josh. "Hey. He's in here, don't worry."

"Tyler?" Josh blurted out without thinking.

Blurryface glared at him, his nostrils flared a bit. "Not me."

"Sorry...Blurryface." Josh sighed.

"Why are you here?" Blurryface asked.

"Why'd you leave my house?" Josh fired back.

"Because you left me alone. You aren't supposed to do that. I could've done something bad." He said.

"I was angry. I trusted you to stay at my house alone for an hour, but I guess I was wrong."

"You didn't trust me. You never have." Blurryface said.

Josh hesitated. This was true, but he didn't want Blurry to know. "I didn't know it was going to be that hard for you to stay put for an hour."

"I didn't like being alone."

"You didn't like being alone? Or you didn't like being without me?" Josh asked, nearly losing control of his temper.

Blurryface simply stared at Josh, no emotion on his face.

"Let's go home. Thank you for watching him, Mark." Josh said.

"You make me sound like a baby." Blurryface said.

"You're acting like one. I said let's go."

Blurryface was silent, but followed Josh.


	5. Only Fools Rush In

Josh avoided speaking to Blurryface as much as he could. Once he'd realized that Blurryface wasn't just Tyler's creation, but that he had emotions and thoughts, Josh knew he couldn't get close to him. He couldn't feel bad for him--he constantly tortured Tyler.

He still made sure he was staying healthy and as happy as he could be, however. Josh just did not want anything to do with that happiness.

Above everything, Josh missed Tyler. He didn't just miss him because he was in love with him, but he simply missed having Tyler there as a friend. Sure, Josh had plenty of other close friends, but no one compared to Tyler. Nobody could make him laugh as hard, smile as big, or feel as happy as he could. Josh knew he should be spending time with Blurryface in case he was the trigger, but he hoped it was going to be something else he didn't have to do--and something that happened soon.

Josh was slowly becoming more miserable by each day that passed. He didn't have his best friend with him, instead, he had someone completely different controlling his body. To make things worse, Josh had no idea how to help.

Finally, Josh decided to muster up the courage to spend some time with Blurryface. He decided, out of all possible things, to take him to eat at Taco Bell for lunch. Maybe spending some time at one of their favorite places would help bring Tyler back.

He stood in Tyler's doorway before saying anything. Blurryface was sitting on the floor, leaning over a notepad and playing with the pen in his hand. His eyebrows were furrowed, concentrating on whatever he was trying to write, but it didn't seem to be going well for him.

"What're you doing?" Josh asked.

Tyler, startled, looked up and quickly closed the notebook. "Trying to write a song," he shook his head. "But my brain is fried."

"Do you want to do something? We could go get food or whatever." he said.

Tyler stared at him for a minute, a confused look in his eyes. "Uh, sure. What were you thinking?"

"Well, I thought we could go to Taco Bell. You still like Taco Bell, right?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, of course. Just because I'm not exactly Tyler doesn't mean I don't like the same foods as him." He laughed.

Josh smiled faintly. Blurryface reminded him too much of Tyler, which hurt, of course. But it was okay, because that pain reminded him that this wasn't his best friend. Which made it a little harder to fall in love with him. "Okay, you ready? Let's go."

Tyler reached on his dresser to grab his wallet, but Josh stopped him. "Don't. It's on me."

"You sure?" Tyler frowned at him.

"Yeah. I mean, it's just Taco Bell, for heaven's sake." Josh laughed.

"Right." Tyler chuckled.

The drive over to Taco Bell wasn't that eventful, besides the fact that Ride came on the radio and they both freaked out a little. Josh especially was excited, because he thought perhaps it could trigger something in Tyler's brain.

The only thing it did, however, was caused Tyler to sing along at the top of his lungs. Josh couldn't help but stare at him as he sung. He missed playing shows and seeing that across from him.

At Taco Bell, the boys ordered their food and then sat down after Josh paid. They sat at a table, but both sat on the same side, like they usually would. Once they got their food, they ate in silence. It didn't seem like there was much to talk about.

"So, what do you think about playing shows?" Josh asked, out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" Tyler asked.

"Do you feel like playing shows?" Josh asked.

"I thought you cancelled the tour. And, you didn't want me to sing, as I recall. I'm not Tyler, remember?" He said.

"Well, turns out, they just postponed the shows because you were getting better so quickly. And, now they're asking if we want to continue the shows, or actually cancel the tour all together." Josh said.

Tyler thought for a second, then replied, "I would love to play shows," he said, "But I'm not sure if I can pull off being Tyler."

"I can...I can help you, if you want." Josh said, sort of regretting the words as he said them.

"Okay, sure." Tyler said, taking a sip of his drink. "That would be awesome."

"So you want to do shows? I can tell them we want to continue?" Josh asked.

"Yeah." Tyler smiled.

"Cool." He said. He was looking forward to playing shows again, but was unsure of how they would go without his best friend in control.

Once they got home, Josh called management and confirmed that they wanted to start touring again. Their first date back was in a week and a half.

"Our first show is in a week and a half, so we should probably start to prepare, you think?" Josh asked Tyler at dinner.

"Wow, that's pretty soon, huh? I guess so." Tyler said, raising his eyebrows.

"Kind of a weird question, but...don't you know how Tyler performs? I mean, you're sort of a version of him. Wouldn't you know?" Josh asked.

"I guess, but I don't know all of his thoughts. I make him think some things, but I don't control what he thinks and what he does, and when he performs, he completely pushes me out of his mind. So I never know what it's like to perform." Blurryface said, a sad tone to his voice. Josh was amazed that Tyler's brain was able to come up with this--and make him think that Blurryface was an actual person.

"Do you like, know the words? To all our songs?" Josh asked.

"Are you kidding me? I've heard those songs so many times, it's nearly impossible not to." He said.

"Well, that makes sense. Except for me, I still don't know most of the words..." Josh trailed off, laughing. 

"Probably because you're so concentrated on drumming," Tyler said.

"True." Josh said. "Okay, another crazy question, but...why are you so nice as opposed to when you first...were in control?"

Tyler paused. "I'm not sure," he said, "I think I realized that you don't want to hurt me, and you just miss Tyler. Honestly...I would change back to him, if it was up to me. But it's not."

Josh offered a half smile at what Blurryface had said. _I guess he has a soul after all_ , he thought. And with that, he started to miss Tyler just a little bit less.

-

Josh was surprised at how similar Blurryface could act to Tyler during a show. They had just done their first rehearsal at the venue, and although it wasn't quite close to what they'd normally put on, Josh knew that the fans would love it anyway.

While they were rehearsing Trees, however, something strange happened. The boys were about to drum like they always do at the end of the song, but for some reason, Tyler just stopped. He shook his head, staring at the drumstick.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I just can't do that part. It's meant for you and Tyler, not you and Blurryface."

"That's okay," Josh said. "We don't have to do it."

"I just feel really bad," Tyler said. "That's what the fans look forward to at the end of a show."

"We can just tell them that we're not allowed to do it anymore, because of safety, or insurance, or something." Josh shrugged. Of course, he was really disappointed about Tyler not being able to do the drumming, but he knew that a show without it was better than no show at all.

"Are you sure?" Tyler asked.

"Yeah, of course."

"I feel terrible." He said.

"Don't worry about it. We'll just finish out the song onstage without the drums, and we'll still have the confetti." Josh said.

"Okay." Blurryface said. 

"Do you still want to be Tyler?" Josh blurted out.

"Excuse me?" he raised his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry. I heard you talking to Mark about it, when I came to get you from his house." Josh said.

"Oh." Tyler said, looking down at his feet.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you embarrassed."

"No, it's okay." Tyler said.

Before Josh could do anything, Blurryface was kissing him. He knew he should've stopped him, but something in him _wanted this_. He wanted to kiss him.

"Yes," Blurryface said. "I still want to be Tyler."

And with that, Josh placed his hand on the back of Tyler's head and kissed him back. Tyler ran his cold hand through Josh's vibrant red hair, sending chills down Josh's spine. Josh's hands slid up the skin on Tyler's arms, eventually reaching his shoulders. He put his hands on Tyler's cheeks, kissing him harder.

What Josh didn't realize is that he muttered, "I'm in love with you, Tyler."   


	6. I Won't Fall In Love With Falling

Blurryface broke out of the kiss, his face lacking emotion. “You love Tyler?” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--” 

“No, it’s fine. I get it. I’m not Tyler, I shouldn’t be kissing you, and I shouldn’t even be here. It’s not right.” he looked down at the ground, his face turning red. 

“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Josh said quietly. 

“Look, why don’t we just keep this relationship professional, it’s better for both of us. We’re just two guys, in a band.” Blurryface said.

“Okay.” Josh said. He felt terrible that he had just crushed what little bit of heart Blurryface had, and he was scared of what might happen now.

“Great.” Tyler said, then walked away, leaving Josh alone. 

Josh ran his hands through his hair, scowling.  _ What did I just do? I’ve ruined everything, with both Tyler and Blurryface.  _

-

Their first show was tomorrow, and Josh was scared out of his mind. He didn’t know if Blurryface could maintain Tyler’s onstage persona whilst totally avoiding Josh. Luckily, they weren’t supposed to interact much during the shows, so that wouldn’t be much of a problem. 

They’d been rehearsing more, but it just felt cold and unnatural to Josh. The show wasn’t going to be anywhere close to how it would be with Tyler, but it wasn’t going to be absolutely terrible. He was worried that the fans would be able to tell the difference, and then who knew what would happen after that.

“I wrote a song last night,” Tyler caught Josh in the middle of his thoughts.

“Really? What about?” Josh asked. Probably not the first thing he should’ve said, but oh well. It was too late.

“Not sure, really. I think it came from Tyler’s mind, not mine. I think it’s about his feelings, or something. Maybe about you. It’s angry.” Blurryface said shyly.

“Can I read it?” Probably shouldn’t have asked that, either.

“No,” He shook his head. “I don’t think Tyler wants you to.” 

“Okay.” Josh understood. 

“I’m nervous.” Tyler said.

“For tomorrow?” Josh asked.

Tyler nodded. “What if the fans notice that there’s something wrong with me. I mean, have you read their tweets recently? They know something’s up, Josh.” 

“You’ve been on Twitter? Why?” Josh raised his eyebrows. 

“I was going to tweet something to the fans, about how I’m getting better...but then I realized I’m not actually getting better. Physically, maybe, but…” Tyler shook his head. 

“Yeah, it’s probably best if you stay off Twitter for now. People can say some bad things.” Josh said.

“I know,” Tyler said. “But I saw...people think I have memory loss, or something.” 

“That’s not a terrible thing, right? Why are you so worried about that?” Josh asked.

“Because that would be better than my current situation. I bet Tyler would agree.” He said. 

“No, don’t say that. No one is mad at you, Blurryface. We just all miss Tyler.” Josh said. 

“Yeah.” Blurryface bit his lip and stared down at his hands. “Should I paint my hands and neck for the show?” 

Josh paused. That was one thing he hadn’t really thought about. “Um,” he had no idea what to say. “I don’t know. That’s up to you.” 

“Okay.” Tyler said. 

-

_ Josh was playing his drums onstage, but for some reason he couldn’t see the crowd. He couldn’t tell if it was just too dark, or if there wasn’t even anyone there. The lights were also blinding him, so that could’ve been it too.  _

_ He glanced over at where Tyler was supposed to be, but all he saw was his piano, all by itself. “Tyler!” He shouted, as if he could hear him over the music. Tyler was singing, but Josh couldn’t see where he was.  _

_ That was when Josh heard it again--that blood curdling scream from that same fan. He saw her, standing alone in the crowd, her hands covering her eyes. It was as if she couldn’t bear to look at what had just occurred on the stage.  _

_ “Tyler?” Josh shouted again, this time getting up from his drums. He looked frantically around for Tyler, and then he saw him. _

_ He was in that same crumpled position, his joints out of place and his face lifeless. But this time, there was no one around. No security, no crew members, nothing.  _

_ “Tyler.” This time, Josh approached Tyler’s body, tears in his eyes. Tyler wasn’t moving, nor did it look like he was breathing. Josh ran a hand through his hair out of stress, his anxiety hitting an all time high. “Please, please wake up, Tyler.” He kneeled on the ground next to the body, his heart pounding. He carefully grabbed his hand and stroked it with his thumb, tears falling from his face onto Tyler’s skin. Josh cupped a hand under Tyler’s chin, wishing he would just wake up and look at him. “Tyler?” Josh’s voice cracked, a sob escaping his lips. “Stay alive, Tyler...for me…” Josh broke down into tears, leaning over Tyler’s motionless body. Josh was crying too loudly to notice that Tyler had no heartbeat. It was too late.  _

“Tyler!” Josh yelled at the top of his lungs, sitting upright in his bed. He was immediately embarrassed, for there was no doubt that Tyler had heard him yell his name.

_ Tyler.  _ Josh’s heart felt sore at the thought of him. In his dream, he had died instead of being okay. And it was all Josh’s fault, since he wasn’t there to stop him from climbing. 

“Josh? Are you okay?” Blurryface appeared in his doorway, a concerned look on his face. Josh couldn’t help but be relieved that he was right there, alive.

“Um, yeah, I’m fine. Just a bad dream.” Josh said. “Thank you.” 

“I’m gonna go have breakfast.” He said, leaving Josh alone in his bedroom. 

Josh stood up from his bed, making his way into the bathroom. He quickly took a shower, then headed down to the kitchen. Tyler was at the table, finishing his cereal and scrolling through his phone. 

“You’re not on Twitter, right?” Josh asked, grinning.

“Er, no, I was texting my mom.” Tyler blushed. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“So, you ready for today? We have to be at the venue at noon, so we have a couple hours to kill.” Josh said, pouring some cereal and milk into a bowl for himself.

“What were you thinking of doing?” Tyler asked.

“I don’t know, probably just relaxing. You want to watch a movie or something?” Josh asked.

“Sure, that sounds fun.” Tyler shrugged.

After eating, Josh and Tyler sat down on the couch to watch a movie that Josh chose from his collection. However, just a couple minutes into the movie, Tyler asked a question.

“Josh, do you care about me?” 

Josh frowned. “I guess so.” 

“You don't hate me? Because Tyler does?” He asked. 

“No, I don't. You're not as terrible...anymore, I guess, and honestly I think Tyler just exaggerates about you a little so he can write songs.” Josh said. 

“I do admit, I used to hate Tyler, and I think I still do. I've always been jealous of him, and angry that he gets to be the one in control.” Tyler said. 

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Josh shrugged. 

“Why do you love him?” Tyler asked. 

“I'm not really sure why. I don't know if there is a way to explain it.” 

“If you love him...do you love me?” 

A sad silence filled the room as Josh shook his head. “I love Tyler.” 

“I figured.” Blurryface sighed, leaning back on the couch. 

“It's not your fault.” Josh said. “I promise.” 

“I get it.”

Josh paused. “You know, maybe I do love you.” 

Tyler raised his eyebrows and looked at Josh suspiciously. “What do you mean?” 

“You're a part of Tyler. You make him who he is, and you make him strive to be a better person. You inspire him, and drive him each day. It might not always be in a good way, but you're still a part of Tyler. And I love all of him.” Josh said.

“I would say it back,” He said, “But I'll save that for when Tyler gets back.”

“Tyler doesn't love me back. Not that way, anyways.” Josh said. 

“I wouldn't be so sure.” 

“Do you know what he feels? Can you like...read his thoughts?” Josh asked. 

“No, not really. But I don't know. I can feel something.” 

“I really want to kiss you right now, does that make me a bad person?” Josh asked, glancing down at Tyler’s lips. 

“Probably. I wouldn't know.” Blurryface said. 

“I'm just gonna watch the movie.” Josh said, leaning back and staring at the TV intensely. 

Eventually, security came to pick them up and bring them to the venue. Josh grew more nervous each minute that passed. He wanted the show to go perfectly. 

Both boys spent the day apart, each preparing for the show in their own ways. 

Tyler found a dark corner somewhere away from the dressing rooms and continued to write and doodle in his notebook, while making sure his voice was still intact for the show.

Josh found his drums and played a few songs, trying to ignore the anxiety he felt. If Blurryface messed up, the crowd would know something was wrong. And Josh couldn't deal with those kind of rumors at the moment. 

He took a long, relaxing shower and then put on some fresh clothes. He found his phone, and decided to look through social media. Instagram was boring, as usual. No one seemed to be doing anything interesting, but that might've been because of how stressful Josh’s life had been lately. 

He instantly regretted clicking on Twitter. The first thing he saw was a girl tweeting about attending the show that night and how nervous she was for it.  _ She’s nervous? At least she doesn't have to, you know, play at it.  _

Other tweets he saw consisted of people asking about Tyler’s condition. He wondered if anyone had told the fans what was going on, so he went to the band account. 

He scrolled down a bit and found a tweet with a link to a tumblr post:

_ As you may know, on the night of Twenty One Pilots’ concert in Columbus, Ohio, Tyler Joseph, the lead singer, fell from the scaffolding during his usual stunt for the song “Car Radio”. He had no permanent physical damage, but there was damage done to his brain. Tyler woke up with a small amount of amnesia, but was amazingly able to recover from it within a week or so. Both Tyler and Josh are extremely thankful that he was able to recover and is now able to return to touring. The Twenty One Pilots Tour will continue on Saturday July 23, 2016. Thank you. |-/ _

Josh nearly threw his phone across the room in anger after he read the post. It was wrong. It was all wrong! Tyler never had amnesia, he didn't recover from his brain damage, and Josh was not thankful that Tyler was able to recover. Because he hadn't. 

He punched the couch he was sitting on, trying to control his anger. Tears were building up in his eyes, and his heartbeat was out of control. 

The tumblr post didn't even  _ begin  _ to describe the kind of pain Josh had been going through. The sadness, the anxiety, the constant anger. 

Someone knocked on the door, and part of Josh wished it was Tyler. But it wasn't. It was a crew member, letting him know that he had fifteen minutes until the show began and that he should get ready. 

Josh reluctantly put on his stage outfit and his traditional red eye makeup, then made his way out of the dressing rooms and into the hallway. 

Tyler was standing at the end of the hall, talking to a crew member. He was smiling and laughing, while Josh was angry and had no desire to smile. 

“Josh, are you ready?” Tyler greeted him with a smile. 

“Yeah.” Josh said with a fake smile. He wasn't ready at all, and he didn't think he ever would be. Not without Tyler. 

“They told me to tell you, five minutes until the show.” Tyler said. 

“Okay, cool.” Josh said. 

“You seem nervous,” Tyler looked into Josh’s eyes. “Josh, have you been crying?” he asked, concerned. 

“No, of course not.” Josh laughed. “I just yawned a minute before I came out here.” 

“Jishwa? Are you sure?” Tyler giggled, teasing. 

“Don't call that,” Josh said, his tone suddenly rough. “That's Tyler’s nickname for me.” 

“Okay, okay, sorry.” Tyler took a step away from Josh. 

Three minutes of awful awkward silence passed before anyone said anything. 

“If anything happens to me tonight, Tyler’s family is here and they'll know right away, so you won't have to call them.” Tyler said quietly. 

“What do you mean, if anything happens to you? You're not climbing, you'll be fine.” Josh said. 

“I don't know. I just have a bad feeling about tonight. Something’s going to happen.” Tyler said. 

“I'll keep an eye on you.” Josh said. He couldn't imagine anything happening to Tyler, not again. 

“Okay. I'll try and be as safe as I can.” Tyler said.  

“Boys, we have one minute until showtime. It’s time to go.” A crew member peeked his head through the door and said. 

“Okay, thank you.” Josh said. 

“Well, I guess this is it.” Tyler said. 

“Yeah,” Josh took a deep breath. “Good luck, man.” 

“You too.” Tyler said. 

They shared an awkward but pleasant hug before going their separate ways. 

 


	7. Tonight, I Need You To Stay

The intro to Fairly Local gave Josh chills as he walked onstage in the dark. The fans cheered louder than he'd ever heard before as Tyler joined him onstage. 

Josh couldn't help but smile. This felt right, it felt like  _ home. _

All he needed was Tyler. 

Josh couldn't help but feel a little nervous when Tyler fell backwards during Heavydirtysoul, but he knew it wasn't as dangerous as it looked. Tyler was a pro at that fall, and Josh knew he'd be okay. 

Everything seemed to be going perfect. Tyler hadn't messed up once, and the fans seemed to be believing that he was perfectly okay. 

For some reason, Tyler didn't yell “Josh Dun!” during The Judge, as he normally would. Josh assumed Tyler simply forgot, but the fans didn't. They shouted it at the top of their lungs, but Josh knew they would notice. They always would. 

Josh felt a little nervous when it was time to drum on the crowd during Ride because he couldn't keep his eyes on Tyler. He knew that he should be fine, he was just going to stay onstage. 

During Car Radio, the fans held up some sort of sign that said “Stay safe”, which made both of the boys a little emotional. The fans didn't expect anything from Tyler, because they just wanted him to stay safe. 

That night, Goner was a bit more emotional than usual. The fans were so grateful that Tyler was alive, and so was Josh. Everyone in the room felt it. They were all happy to be alive. 

Josh was exhausted when it was time for Trees. He was relieved, however, because Tyler was safe and nothing had happened to him. 

Tyler’s speech before the song was about his accident, and his experience. He told it just like how the tumblr post had described. He lied and said he went through temporary memory loss, which made Josh a bit angry. Someone must've told him to say that. It wasn't true. 

He also talked about how amazing Josh had been during his recovery. Also not true. 

Josh sat in the dark at the beginning of Trees, tears streaming silently down his face. This wasn't Tyler in front of him, but damn, did it seem like it. It also made Josh miss him like hell. 

When it was time for the finale of the song, Josh expected to finish it out onstage, but Tyler had a different idea. He wanted to drum on the platforms. On the audience. 

He had the crew bring out the platforms, even though earlier he had decided not to do that, since it was Tyler and Josh’s thing. 

Josh went along with it. They both played the finale of Trees, their hearts and minds racing. The crowd screamed in adoration, as this was the moment they'd all been waiting for. Tyler and Josh, Josh and Tyler, together, playing the drums at the end of the show. Josh felt like everything was normal, for just a couple seconds. 

The confetti fell, and Josh looked out into the audience one last time before getting off the platform. However, he noticed that Tyler had stopped drumming and was just staring down at the drum, breathing heavily. 

His brow was furrowed, and he had a hand buried in his hair. He looked confused beyond belief, but he quickly snapped out of it and stepped off of the platform. 

Josh met him behind the barricade. “What's up, dude? You okay?” 

“Josh,” He muttered, out of breath. 

“Yeah?” 

“Josh…” Tyler looked up at Josh, a longing in his eyes present that Josh had never seen before. 

“Tyler?” Josh gasped. 

Tyler nodded, tears streaming down his face. “It's me.” he smiled, overcome with a joy that spread quickly to Josh. 

“Oh my god,” Josh exclaimed, then hugged Tyler tightly. His best friend was back. 

_ Tyler was back.  _

The boys quickly realized they were still in the middle of a show, and climbed back onstage. They took their ending pose, confetti showering down on them. All they could hear was the crowd, and their own heartbeats. Everything was as it should've been. 

Except for the fact that Tyler felt tense once Josh wrapped his arm around his shoulders onstage as he normally would. They bowed, but Tyler seemed like he was trying to squirm away from Josh. They watched the crowd one last time before heading backstage. 

“Tyler, I can't believe...how are you? Are you okay?” Josh had no idea what to say in this situation. 

“I'm not sure, Josh.” Tyler glanced at Josh, a cold look on his face. 

Josh had never seen that kind of look from his best friend before. It sure wasn't Blurryface, but it wasn't the Tyler he knew. “Tyler?”

“I have to go, Josh. I'll talk to you later.” And with that, he was gone. 

-

Tyler took it upon himself to cancel the rest of the tour. He said nothing to Josh about it, or anything at all for that matter. Josh was completely lost. His best friend was totally distant from him, and he knew exactly why. 

He’d kissed Blurryface. Told him not that he loved him, but that he loved Tyler. Josh wasn't sure if Tyler would remember what had happened when he was Blurryface, but apparently he did. 

Josh wasn't sure how many texts he'd sent or how many voicemails he'd left for Tyler, but he knew it was more than any normal person should've sent. He didn't care. He needed Tyler. 

There were some nights where he'd stay awake, wondering if Tyler felt the same. He doubted it almost completely, based on Tyler’s reaction after being himself again. Josh didn't even care what Tyler felt at that point. He just wanted his best friend back. 

All the fans were left in the dark. No tweets, no tumblr posts, nothing. All they got was a Facebook post saying that, regrettably, due to Tyler’s health, they were forced to cancel the tour. There was nothing wrong with Tyler’s health, of course, they just needed some excuse to cover up why he’d suddenly needed to cancel the tour. Management had told Josh that he’d provided no explanation other than “it was necessary”. 

Josh spent his days--and his nights--drumming. Drumming all his built up anger and sadness out, or at least trying to. It didn't help much. 

His mother asked him if he was depressed, to which he didn't have an answer. He never left his house, and hardly left his bedroom. There was no motivation for him to get up in the morning, out of bed, besides his drums. That was all he ever felt like doing. 

However, after a while, drumming stopped helping him. He didn't even want to do the one thing he loved most anymore. 

It had been about three weeks before Tyler showed up at Josh’s door. He’d evidently been crying, but was trying to hide it. 

“Josh?” Tyler stood there in front of Josh, wringing his hands nervously. 

“Tyler, what are you doing here?” Josh asked. He didn't know if he wanted to see Tyler or not after what he'd done. 

“I needed to talk to you.” He said. 

“I don't know if I want to talk to you.” Josh said. 

“I know I've hurt you, Josh, but I realized that what I've done is stupid. You don't deserve that. Even after what you did.” Tyler said. 

“After what I did?” Josh asked, taking a step back away from Tyler. 

“You said you loved me, Josh. But you know what? You didn't say it to me.” 

“I couldn't exactly, you were sort of...occupied.” Josh said. 

“You could've waited. Said it to my face. Heard what I had to say.” Tyler said. 

“I’m sorry, Tyler, I didn't even mean to say it in the first place.” Josh said. 

“So saying it doesn't mean anything to you? It’s just a careless thought to you?” Tyler shrieked. 

“No, that’s not what I meant. I don't know what I meant. I’m just...I’m sorry, okay?” Josh shook his head. 

“I don't know what to think at this point, Josh.” Tyler said. 

“Then don't think. Just tell me what you feel.” Josh said. 

“ _ Seriously?  _ You're asking me to just tell you what I feel? I’m sorry, Josh, but not everyone can just blurt out their feelings out of nowhere. I don't think you deserve to know how I feel, anyways.” Tyler said. “Look, I have to go. I don't know if I want to be around you right now.” He shook his head, then walked away from the door and back to his car. 

Josh stood alone, in shock. He wasn’t expecting Tyler to reject him in that way. He hadn’t even realized what a demanding thing it was to ask Tyler for his feelings. He watched his best friend walk away, a sinking feeling in his chest.  _ What was going to happen?  _


	8. I'll Be Holding On To You

After a couple weeks, Josh was able to regain control of his life. He was finally starting to get back into a schedule, but was still bored while not making music or playing shows. He kept drumming, because it was a sort of therapy for him. Josh tried to push Tyler and everything that had to do with him to the back of his mind. He was done reaching out to Tyler, and figured that Tyler should try and amend things at this point. 

He thought about getting a job to fill his time with, even though he didn't exactly need the money. It just felt odd for him to have so much free time. So, he conveniently got a job at a music store a couple blocks away from his house. 

It wasn't a big store or anything, so he wasn't recognized very often. Most of the people who came in were just musicians trying to start out their careers, and for some reason, luckily for Josh, most of them were oblivious to who he was. 

It wasn't the most eventful job in the world, but Josh was grateful that it filled his days with something to do. Something to keep his mind off of Tyler. 

What Josh wasn't expecting was a certain customer who arrived one day. It was Tyler. 

“Excuse me, do you know where I can find some drumsticks? I was looking, but--”

“Tyler?” Josh spun around and saw Tyler, a hopeful look on his face. 

“Are the drumsticks towards the back, or what?” Tyler asked. 

“What are you doing here?” Josh asked. 

“I came to apologize.” 

“How did you know I worked here?” 

“I asked your mom. Frankly, I could've guessed. But seriously? This place?” Tyler chuckled. “You can't be making more than minimum wage.” 

“It's not about the money,” Josh said. 

“Right.” Tyler looked at his feet awkwardly. “Look, I wanted to say I'm sorry. For everything. For getting mad even though you told Blurryface you loved  _ me _ , for cancelling the tour, for avoiding you...it wasn't your fault. I get it. I wasn't there to tell, so you needed to tell someone. Even if it was my alter ego of sorts.” He laughed. 

“It’s okay. I should've tried harder and waited to tell you. I just...I really missed you, Tyler. I felt so alone. I meant to tell you, but it was so hard when you weren't there and it felt like you were never coming back. I couldn't stand it.” Josh said. 

“I know. I'm sorry.” 

“It's not your fault. You didn't have the choice to be Blurryface and not yourself.” 

“I remember it all. Everything he said, everything he did. Everything you said, and everything you did. Some part of me was in there, I think. A part of me wanted to say...never mind.” Tyler started, but shook his head. 

“Say what?” Josh frowned. 

“That I love you too.” Tyler laughed at himself. “I love you, Josh, and being Blurryface for a bit made me realize that. I couldn't live without you. I couldn't bear it.” 

Josh was speechless.  _ Had Tyler just… _

“I love you, Josh. So much. I think I always have, and I always knew, but it was just always buried inside me. Maybe I needed some trigger to help me realize it. And maybe that trigger was Blurryface. But I love you, Josh. I wish I could've known earlier.” Tyler said. 

“I love you too, Tyler. I missed you so, so much, and I don't ever want to spend that much time away from you again.” Josh said. At that moment, he reached for the back of Tyler’s neck and pulled him closer. 

Their lips collided, not holding anything back. Tyler grabbed the sides of Josh’s face and kissed him hard. It was finally just him and Josh, together. No Blurryface, and nobody else watching. 

Josh felt Tyler smile as he kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer until their bodies were pressed together. 

“Holy crap.” A voice startled Josh and Tyler, and broke them apart. 

Josh’s face turned red as a tomato when he realized it was a twenty-something year old girl standing in front of Josh and Tyler, her mouth open in shock. Her eyes were wide and her eyebrows were raised in surprise. 

“Oops,” Tyler muttered under his breath. 

“Hi, um, can I help you? Are you looking for anything specific?” Josh stumbled on his words, embarrassed. 

“Well, I was looking to buy a ukulele, but I think I found something even better…” The girl grinned, looking up and down Tyler. 

“He’s taken.” Josh immediately stated, protectively placing a hand on Tyler’s chest. 

“I am?” Tyler asked, looking at Josh skeptically. 

“You are.” 

“He is?” 

“He is.” 

The girl placed a hand over her mouth, shaking her head and laughing. “Oh, this is great. Just fantastic.” 

“What is?” Now it was Josh’s turn to be confused. 

“Tyler and Josh are dating! The Joshler rumors are true. This is freaking  _ insane _ .” She laughed again, amused. 

Josh’s eyes widened once he realized:  _ this girl wasn’t checking out Tyler, she was a fan. A fan who would now tell every other fan that she’d seen Tyler and Josh making out in the back of a music store.  _

“You don’t have proof.” Tyler said. 

_ That’s right,  _ Josh thought.  _ She’s got nothing without proof. _

The girl nodded, a careless expression on her face. “I’m not going to go and tell the world. That’s up to you guys. I just think it’s amazing that there’s been these rumors for years, and finally…” 

“Well, we actually just got together. I mean, we weren’t even officially dating, but I guess...are we?” Josh turned to Tyler. 

“Sure, man.” He grinned. 

Josh took a moment to smile back. He was  _ finally  _ dating the person he loved. “So, yeah. You kinda just caught history in the making.” 

“Well,  _ shit _ .” Josh could just  _ feel  _ Tyler cringing behind him when the girl cursed. She shook her head again. “Sorry. I’m just a huge fan, and not to make things weird or anything, but I’ve shipped Joshler literally since  _ forever  _ and now it’s real! And it’s my little secret. God, I can’t wait for the whole world to know--wait, are you going to tell the world?” 

Josh and Tyler looked at each other. 

“Not any time soon, I think.” Josh said. “You think you can keep a secret for a while?” 

“Of course,” the girl nodded. “Sorry again for being so weird. I just got really excited, and...I’m gonna stop now.” 

“Nah, it’s totally fine. Listen, why don’t you have Tyler help you pick out a ukulele, and then we’ll both sign it for you. As long as you promise not to tell anyone.” Josh said.

“Well, it’s not like anyone would believe me anyways.” She laughed. “But I promise. And thank you so much. You guys are literally the best humans on the planet.” 

“Of course. Thank you for liking what we do.” Tyler said.

The girl smiled, then walked over to the ukulele section. 

“So, we’re dating now?” Josh asked Tyler quietly.

“I guess so.” He chuckled, then gave Josh a quick kiss on the cheek, looking around and making sure no one saw. 

“Awesome,” Josh said to himself as Tyler walked away towards the girl. He watched as Tyler helped her pick out a ukulele, smiling.  _ That’s the boy I love,  _ he thought.  _ And that’s the boy who loves me.  _

After signing the uke for the girl, Josh decided it was time to quit his job. He didn’t think he’d need a time filler anymore, so quickly told the manager in the nicest way he could. Something about finding true love and needing to skip off into the sunset was his reason. 

“So, am I allowed to tell you I love you, even though we’ve only been dating for about fifteen minutes?” Tyler asked Josh as they drove up to Josh’s house. 

“As long as I’m allowed to say it back.” Josh smirked. 

“Okay.” Tyler said.

“Okay? You ask me that, and then I don’t even get to hear you say it? C’mon.” Josh scowled. 

“I guess I love...teasing you. A lot.” Tyler laughed. 

“I hate you.” Josh playfully shoved Tyler as they got out of the car. 

“Ouch!” Tyler jerked back, away from Josh. 

“Oh, God, Tyler, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you? Are you still hurting from the accident? Frick, I didn’t mean to.” Josh’s heart pounded as Tyler held his arm, a pained look on his face. 

“Josh, I…” Tyler burst out laughing. “Josh, I love you!” He shoved Josh back, his contagious laugh making Josh smile. 

“You scared me!” Josh said, laughing. “I love you too.” 

Tyler pushed Josh again, causing him to fall on the grass in front of his house. “Oops! I’m sorry!” Tyler giggled.

Josh shook his head, grabbing Tyler and pulling him down onto the grass next to him. He carefully leaned on him and kissed him, forgetting that they were sort of  _ kissing in pure daylight _ .

Tyler pushed Josh over, climbing on top of him and kissing him back. Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s back as Tyler placed delicate kisses on his lips and neck.

“Hey, Tyler?” Josh whispered. 

“Hm?” Tyler said between kisses.

“We’re on my front lawn,” He said. “And I have neighbors who can see this. And hopefully none of them know any paparazzis.” 

“Right.” Tyler frowned as he sat up next to Josh. 

“Plus, this grass is kinda itchy.” Josh said, standing up. He held out a hand for Tyler, and helped him stand up. 

Tyler winced as he stood up, trying to hide some sort of pain. 

“Seriously, Tyler, are you in pain?” Josh was immediately concerned. 

“A little, but it’s normal. It’s just my ribs. They’re still sore. Nothing to worry about, I promise.” Tyler shook his head. 

“Okay, but I'm still worried about you.” Josh said as the boys walked inside his house. 

“Josh, I promise there's nothing to be worried about. The doctor said this would be normal. You can even call and ask, if you want.” He said, planting a quick kiss on Josh’s lips before heading to his bedroom. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Okay.” Josh said, watching Tyler as he went. He decided to make dinner for the both of them, as a sort of celebration. 

Josh lost track of time and realized it had been over ten minutes since Tyler had left the room. Immediately, he felt his heart pounding.  _ Did I lose him again? Why would he leave? Is he okay? Is he back to being-- _

“Josh, do you know where my black shirt is?” He heard Tyler call from the stairs. He was instantly relieved. 

“Which one?” Josh asked, laughing a little. “You have like forty.” 

“Forty!? I only have sixteen. And only half of them are the same. Or maybe more, I'm not sure.” Tyler said. 

“Sorry, I don't know where your shirt is. I also don't mind if you're not wearing a shirt!” Josh called out, grinning. 

There was nothing but silence from Tyler. Josh frowned.  _ Did I embarrass him? Crap.  _

A couple minutes later, Josh was startled by a kiss on his neck. He spun around, careful not to ruin the chicken he was cooking. 

Tyler stood there, wearing nothing but some basketball shorts. Josh smirked, looking up and down his boyfriend. “Wow.” 

“Hey, I used to wear just this all the time, and you never said anything before?” Tyler said. 

“I think that might've been weird to say something back then. You weren't allowed to know I was in love with you. In fact, I'm not even sure if I knew I was in love with you yet.” Josh said, turning back to the stove top. 

“You weren't sure from the beginning?” Tyler asked. 

“No, I don't think so. Were you?” 

“I liked you a lot from the start. But I don't think I realized I loved you until this one day--it was kinda weird, actually. It was a certain interview. That one where they had us play with that weird puzzle, where you couldn't touch the wire? And then you were asked to list three things you find attractive. Then without hesitating, you said my name. For some reason, I thought about that a lot. Like,  _ a lot. _ ” Tyler said.

“That was kind of a joke, back then. I mean, it’s true, but that's hilarious it made you think that much.” Josh said. 

“Yeah, it kinda is.” Tyler sighed. “And for the record, I find you attractive as well.” he grinned.

“Well, that's a relief.” Josh laughed. He leaned over to kiss Tyler, but Tyler quickly spun around and jogged away. 

“Hey!” Josh frowned. 

“You're making dinner. I don't want to distract you.” Tyler smirked. 

“Tyler, c’mon.” He whined. 

“Finish dinner. And I’ll think about it.” Tyler said. 

“Are you kidding me?” Josh muttered, turning back to continue cooking. 

Finally, after Josh was done cooking, the boys ate their dinner. Josh was expecting Tyler to reward him immediately following the meal, but was disappointed when Tyler ran off to grab a sweater from his room. Josh sat on the couch as he waited. 

“You’re cold?” Josh raised his eyebrows once Tyler returned with his sweater. 

“A little.” Tyler shrugged. 

“Come here.” Josh said, patting the space on the couch next to him. 

Tyler hesitated for a second. He looked at Josh, who was staring at Tyler like he was the only thing that existed on the planet. The look in Josh’s eyes pulled Tyler over to the couch. 

He sat down, about an inch away from Josh. It felt a bit awkward, since normally they'd just be nearly overlapping each other. Tyler wasn't quite sure what to do--did he snuggle up next to Josh, or did he simply sit like normal people would?

“What are you doing, silly?” Josh chuckled as he wrapped his arm around Tyler and pulled him closer until he was nearly on his lap. 

“Sorry,” Tyler blushed. “I wasn't sure if you wanted to--” 

“Ty. We’re dating. And we already acted super in love before, it should be really easy for us to actually be in love.” Josh laughed. 

“You're right.” Tyler leaned his head on Josh’s shoulder and scooted a little so he was comfortably lying against him. 

Josh placed a kiss on the top of Tyler’s head, then softly rested his head on Tyler’s. 

They'd been this close so many times in their lives, mostly in interviews, but this time was different. Not the physical placement, but how they were finally able to tell each other their feelings. They weren't scared anymore. 

“Hey, Jish?” Tyler said quietly. 

Josh smiled at the mention of his nickname. “Yeah, Ty?” 

“Did I tell you that I love you?” He asked, butterflies in his stomach. Not from being nervous, but from the excitement he felt now that he was finally able to say those words to Josh. 

“Yeah.” Josh grinned. “You did.” 

“Josh?” 

“Yeah?”

“Do you love me back?” 

“I love you back.” Josh said.  

After that, the boys just sat in the peaceful quiet, holding on to each other like nothing else mattered. 


	9. Friend, Please Don't Take Your Life Away From Me

Two weeks had passed since Tyler and Josh had started dating. Their families weren’t surprised at all when they’d told them the news, but now they had an entirely new crowd to tackle--their own fans, and the rest of the world. They weren’t exactly sure how they wanted to tell everyone, but they didn’t want it to be a huge deal. 

“We have to make it so that it doesn’t just look like we’re being normal and acting like we’re in love. We have to make it real.” Josh said to Tyler while they were debating what to do.

“Why don’t we just post a picture of us kissing or something?” Tyler asked. 

“That’s too cheesy, man.” Josh said.

“Okay. What about like, a video or something. I don’t know.” Tyler said. 

“I have an idea.” Josh said.

“What?” 

“Come here.” Josh stood up, pulling Tyler into the backyard with him. He set up his phone, which had a timer on it and would take a picture after ten seconds.

Josh stood Tyler next to him, but put him on the right side of him, unlike usual. Josh intertwined their hands together, so that Josh’s sleeve tattoo and Tyler’s black band tattoos were aligned. They both stood with serious faces, staring at each other.

Once the picture was taken, the boys went to look at it. Tyler laughed a bit.

Josh posted the picture, with the caption:  _ Switching things up a bit.  _

“You think that they’ll get it?” Tyler asked. 

“I think so. I mean, they’ll suspect it, but I don’t think they’ll be a hundred percent sure. In a couple days, we can just tweet or something.” Josh said.

“Sounds good.” 

The boys had a fun time reading some of the comments: 

_ OH MY GODD DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT DOES? _

_ #joshlerisreallyreal _

_ GUYS IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING _

_ Nah, I think they’re just messing with us  _

“This person got it.” Josh read a comment and showed it to Tyler:

_ I think I got it. So they're saying that like they're switching things up, meaning they're not just friends anymore and that's why their position changed.  _

“Nice. Our fans are smart.” Tyler grinned. 

A couple days later, both the boys tweeted, “Yes, Joshler is real. Like, actually real.” 

Both Tyler and Josh missed touring, but they were definitely enjoying their time off. Tyler had been writing some music, but that was all. Things were going good for both of the boys. That was, until, Tyler found something he never even imagined possible.

He woke up shivering. Tyler searched for Josh’s comforting arms, as they weren’t wrapped around Tyler like usual, but couldn’t find them. He rolled over and frowned when Josh’s side of the bed was empty. “Josh?” He whispered, his voice slightly cracking. He waited a moment, assuming Josh was in the bathroom, but several minutes passed, and he heard nothing. 

Tyler blinked several times, trying to avoid the urgent call of sleep. He was tired, but his confusion about Josh’s location was motivation enough to get out of bed. He wandered over to the bathroom, and checked inside. The light was off, but he wanted to make sure. 

“Josh?” Tyler’s heart rate rose as he checked each room upstairs, finding nothing. Finally, he nearly fell down the staircase once he saw the kitchen light on. “Josh!” 

Tyler heard nothing, but what he saw was one of his worst fears--Josh curled in a ball on the kitchen floor, one hand holding a knife and the other clutching his arm. 

“Dammit, Josh. Oh, God.” Tyler immediately grabbed the knife away from Josh and looked over his arm. There were just two small cuts on his forearm, neither of them very deep. Tyler let go a quick sigh of relief, grabbing his phone and dialling 911 and telling the operator the situation. 

“Josh, look at me.” Tyler lifted Josh’s chin so that he was looking at him. He looked distant, and Tyler had an idea of what it could’ve been--one too many anxiety pills. 

Tyler knew that Josh had anxiety, but he had no idea that it was getting bad again. In fact, he thought it might’ve been a lot better, since he was himself again and they were now dating. He also knew that anxiety attacks had no boundaries or rules. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a small orange pill container, which was open and had a few pills spilling out of it. 

“Josh, how many of these did you take?” Tyler asked, stroking Josh’s arm with his hand. He realized that the worst part of the attack was probably over. He also realized that he wasn’t there to help Josh through it. 

Josh was unresponsive. His eyelids drooped, and his head kept drifting down. Tyler did his best to keep him conscious until the ambulance arrived. 

“Josh, listen to me. I love you, you gotta stay awake. Fight this. I love you.” He sat next to Josh and held his hand, doing everything he could not to break down into tears.

When they took Josh away to the hospital, Tyler rode in the ambulance. He could barely believe what was happening. Josh just had an anxiety attack, and Tyler hadn't even come close to seeing it coming. The guilt he felt was terrible.

Tyler was a weeping mess when the doctors told him he couldn't come with Josh as they took him back into the hospital.  _ No,  _ he kept shouting,  _ I love him, I need to be there with him _ . 

Eventually, he sat against the wall in the waiting room and fell asleep. 

Josh woke up to the sound of a hospital monitor. He immediately looked around, fearing that Tyler was hurt again--but then he realized that the monitor was hooked up to his own self. 

“Tyler?” Josh mumbled. 

“Good morning, Mr. Dun. How are you feeling?” A smiley nurse approached his bed side. 

“Where's Ty?” Josh asked. 

“Your friend Tyler is in the waiting room. Josh, do you know why you're here?” she asked. 

Josh’s head was foggy and hurt like hell, but he did know why he was there. He had an anxiety attack and Tyler didn't wake up when he needed him. 

He nodded. “I took too many pills.” 

The nurse wrote something down on a clipboard. “Can you tell me what happened exactly?” 

Josh shook his head. Recalling the event didn't sound like fun at the moment. 

“Okay, that's fine. Would you like to see your friend now?” she asked. 

“Yes. Please.” Josh nodded eagerly.

“Okay.” The nurse smiled one last time at him before she left the room. 

Tyler arrived in minutes, thankfully to Josh. Being alone wasn't something he found appealing. 

“Josh, I'm so sorry.” Tyler immediately broke into tears as he entered the room. 

“It's okay.” Josh said. Looking at Tyler gave him a sense of relief. 

Tyler sat in the chair next to Josh’s bed and grabbed his hand. “You could've woken me up.” 

“I tried.” 

Tyler looked at Josh, horrified. “Oh my God, Josh, I…” 

“Stop. It isn't your fault.” Josh said. 

“Usually I'm such a light sleeper…” Tyler shook buried his head in his hands. “I'm so sorry, Josh.” 

“It's okay. I’m okay now. There's nothing to worry about.” 

“But there is, Josh. I had no idea you were having anxiety again. Why didn't you tell me? You know you can talk to me about anything.” Tyler said. 

“I wasn't really having it that much. It was just little bits, here and there, nothing huge. But then last night, I had a dream that you fell again. The same one I had back when you were still--I don't think I told him what my dream was about. The first time I had that dream, I woke up and seeing you, alive, even though you weren't really you, made me feel better. But last night, I couldn't get you to wake up. Some part of me knew you were just sleeping, but that didn't stop me from thinking about what would happen if you really died. Ty, I was so scared. I couldn't live without you. Please don't leave me.” Josh said. He felt so hopeless, so weak. 

“I'll never leave you, I promise. I won't ever climb again, I'll stay as safe as I can.” Tyler said, squeezing Josh’s hand. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Tyler.” Josh said. “Now, when can I get out of here?” he chuckled. 

“Josh, are you sure you're okay? I don't think you should just want to get out of here right away. You've gotta get better.” Tyler said. 

“I know. But this place is so miserable. It reminds me of when you were in here. I hate it.” Josh said. 

“I know.” Tyler looked down at his feet. 

“Speaking of which...Tyler, are you okay?” Josh asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

“We never really talked about it, because we were avoiding each other. But I think we need to talk about it.” 

“What?” Tyler asked, even though he was certain he knew what was coming. 

“Blurryface.” 

“I'm over it. I'm okay, Josh.” Tyler said. 

“Yeah, you seem fine, but I know you. There's no way you could've just gotten over that kind of thing.” Josh said. 

“You don't know that. It wasn't that big of a deal, Josh.” Tyler said. 

“Yes, it was, Ty! Are you kidding me? You literally had a different personality for like, a month and a half. There's no way  _ anyone  _ could come out of that unharmed.” Josh said. 

Tyler rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers. “I felt trapped.” He shook his head, not looking up at Josh. “I saw everything.  _ Felt  _ everything. And I couldn't do anything. He was in control, and when you kissed him, I couldn't do anything…” 

“Did you want him to kiss me?” Josh asked. 

“I don't know. I did, because then I knew you had feelings for me, but I didn't because I was so jealous.” Tyler said, finally looking up at Josh. His eyes were red and there were tears forming. 

“But you were still kissing me in a way, right? You felt it?” 

“I did, but it wasn't the same. It felt like I was reading a book in first person. It was in my perspective, but it wasn't actually me.” Tyler said. 

“Oh.” Josh said. “Tell me more.” 

“It was like my nightmares came true. I know I said I wanted to make a character who could sit across the table from me, but I didn't want to become him. I thought his thoughts and felt what he felt. Some things were similar, some were exactly the same, but there were some things that were completely disturbing. I feel sick thinking about it.” Tyler said. “He wanted me dead, just like how I'd created him. He knew that I could hear his thoughts, which made him only try harder to get to me.” 

“What about when he actually got nice after a bit? He didn't want you dead anymore, right?” Josh asked. 

Tyler shook his head. “No. That was him being soft towards you because he  _ liked  _ you. He was jealous of me, like he told you, so he kept torturing me.” he paused for a minute. “Josh, am I crazy? Because I hit my head and became someone I made up? He's not even real, Josh. I have to be crazy. He's not real!” Tyler shrieked. 

“Ty, listen to me. You're not crazy. I don't really have an explanation to this but all I know is you aren't crazy. I've known you for so many years, and you've gone through hard things. This is just another one. Something we can get through together.” 

“No, Josh, right now I'm only focused on you and your health. I can't think about myself.” 

“Stop that. We've both got issues, and you know what else we've got? Each other. Okay?” Josh said, gently grabbing Tyler’s hand. 

“Okay.” Tyler offered Josh a small smile. 

After that day, the boys weren't a hundred percent fine, but they had each other. Nothing mattered more to them than the other. 

Josh would wake up from nightmares, out of breath and wanting nothing but Tyler’s comfort. Tyler was always there. 

Tyler had dreams of his own--Blurryface waking up again and taking over. Tyler losing control, losing Josh, and losing himself. And of course, Josh was always there when he woke up. 

Together, they worked through it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys...first of all, thank you so much for taking your time to read this. I can't believe there's actually people who like this!   
> Anyways, I'm sorta experiencing writer's block at the moment and have no idea what to write about now. The story could definitely end here, but I don't think I want it to. If you guys have any ideas, comment them, please! I'm dying to continue the story and I hope you all want me to as well.


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